The possible new year's eve scenario for me is me sitting on my bed with my "mr. white" dry coughs which is slightly becoming kind of chronic, reminding me once again that I have to quit smoking or else Im gonna die young  like M.I.A says in that song. A glass of chocolate milk mixed with a shot of jagermeister will be the only drink I'll have for that night. and I'll be diguising offline on the internet in case  someone sees me and thinks I'm a lameass manchild.

As the surprise of that  precious night , my lack of will to do anything might kill me or I might try to hang myself  with a rope decorated with some sleigh bells  around my neck in order to look like a dead body with a festive soul afterwards.

happy new year.

I think its pretty cool that I'll have the privilege to brag about having lived my childhood in the pre-internet era when I become a grandparent. It will be fun watching them  trying to imagine life without the internet.

and speaking of getting older, I think everyone should cut the crap about that "time's just not passing oh my god" shit. It passes as fast as fuck. Have you ever met a 50 year old saying "oh damn, I felt like its been 200 years!" when asked? NO. Everbody says that they can not believe it has passed so fast. They say they still feel like they are in their 20's.
For me, there is not another concept scarier  than the concept of becoming an elderly man.
I cannot stand the fact that its inevitable and its going to feel like it happened in the blink of an eye.

I believe that all around the world, there are people who are questioning their lives in the middle of the night, in front of the dim light coming from inside of the refrigerator, staring at some food. I believe there are tons of people who wake up from a vivid dream every night and think they should seriously remember that one in the morning and are too lazy to pick up a pen and write a little reminder for the dream they just had and feel like they have forgotten the most important clue for life when its morning  and they dont remember their dreams.

I believe that happens all the time all around the world.

I believe it is not just me.

applause for the cheesy

"isn't it ironic, we adore the ones who ignore us, ignore the ones who adore us, love the ones who hurt us and hurt the ones who love us."

I love your mess

You call it coincidence I call it nothing but whenever I watch a movie that impresses me to a freaking  great extent,those times happen to be just before I feel too weird about myself that I should pick a random movie to watch just to clear my head.
and then bam! I choose the greatest movie just randomly! not by a trailer but maybe a friend suggest.
and just afterwards I try to find something in it that I believe It could change the way I see things. It might be just a simple sentence, or a character or a place. anything.
This time it is a book that I have  heard of but never really know what it is exactly about. I do not want to find out what it's about to be honest. not until I start reading and discovering it myself.
I just wanna click on the button that says "buy it now", pay for it, wait for it to arrive and hopefully feel extraordinary when I read it.
Usually it never works.
Not this time I hope.

In a nutshell, here is one of the rarest platforms where we can make ourselves look cooler, richer, smarter. It might be the only platform where we can give the most accurate advertisement about who we want to be.
So let them slay. Because deep inside, we all know that  this is not the place for the happy, not for the satisfied.  All in all, we're aware of the fact that the internet is for people, who are searching for something or someone that does not exist in their lives.
And no one's completely satisfied. They are just offline, disguising.
That's it.

Excuse my depressed words, It's most probably due to the lack of peanut butter inside my veins.

I guess I'll always be missing that one person who has been the only one that makes me feel so happy, so sad, so close and so far at the same time.

PMS is just another classy term used to make your bitch side sound less cheap isnt it?

I bet no one remembers the last time you laid on the carpet watching tv from a really close distance. I bet the ground is no longer as comfier as it was years ago.

Isnt it ironic how the words fat and fit almost sound the same. almost.

I guess I might have the strongest urge to grow sexual interest for comedian women.

What you're looking for is always inside the other pocket you haven't checked.
Because fuck you, that's why.

Expressing my genuine emotions makes me feel so uncomfortable that I end up making fun of myself just after that in order to balance the possible awkward moment I'll have with myself. In other words,If I say something  serious and true about my emotions to someone, to anyone, I seriously have to make a stupid joke and  make that person laugh just afterwards.

and do I help them? yes indeed.

No one likes a sad story.

Well at least I got a whole bunch of the x factor videos to watch for the whole night and Im almost one hundred percent sure that all I need is to have a long shower and brush my teeth for 10 minutes to feel more optimistic about my future.

Aging sucks. Anything that turns old and rusty makes me feel bad.

Im not supposed to  crave for a bag of cheetos  cheese. I don't even like cheetos cheese.

See here's what I believe or something I have learned in college Im not sure;
You build a new identity with every single language you pick up and that new identity which comes with the new language is utterly different from the one  you already have. For me, my English identity is much comfier with using words, talking to people and  saying what's on his mind. He can just go ahead and say hi to a girl and ask if we could spend some time together.
Im not sure about the other one though. That one is more of a moody type. That one thinks writting is lame, talking is useless. He's more of a person who enjoys picture pages in a book rather than the pages of words. And sadly, older you get, you see less pictures in books and  afterall you have to admit the fact adult books does not contain picture pages.

Puer aeternus is Latin for eternal boy, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.

1. The supposed psychological phenomenon of immaturity among some men and women, who, like the fictional character, remain childish and fail to assume appropriate adult social roles and responsibilities. 

Peter Pan syndrome (uncountable)

Peter Pan syndrome is a pop-psychology term used to describe an adult (usually male) who is socially immature. The term is used informally by both laypeople and some psychology professionals in popular psychology. It is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as a specific mental disorder.

Dr. Dan Kiley popularized the Peter Pan syndrome in his 1983 book, The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up; his next book, The Wendy Dilemma (1984), advises women romantically involved with "Peter Pans" how to improve their relationships. Patricia Craine's book, Wendy's Club: ...for women hooked on "Peter Pans" and how to break the addiction (2006), addresses the same target audience as Kiley's 1984 book.

In fact, I have never been a roommate kind of guy. I've always been okay having a sad party on my own.

english strikes back

remember the feeling you had when you were a kid who's down with the flu or something and your mom used to cook anything you ask for just to make you feel less terrible about yourself. that's what would cheer me up right at this moment. not the smoky taste i''m gonna have from the cigarette im just about the lit up.

I wish I had been through all those sad and gloomy moments of breaking up with my exes. They've always been more like; see you later, dont let the door hit you. not good. not very romantic.

Hayatınızda öyle bir noktaya geliyorsunuz ki, artık  herkesin yaptığı gibi, ne kadar mutlu, eglenceli, kahkahalı, harika hayatlar yaşadığınızı, ne kadar güzel yemekler yiyip, ne harika yerler gördüğünüzü insanların  gözüne sokmak için yaşamadığınızı fark ediyorusunuz, ya da fark edeceksiniz. O zaman internet denen yerde yapacak hiç bir şey olmadığını anladığınız an olacak.