harryblooper

 In my dream Im on a train headed to the high school I graduated from. I go there after 17 years for one more graduation I guess. Or one last.  Upon my arrival I see the  school yard is filled with beautiful gigantic Sakura trees, all blooming. There is a subtle wind in the air. I feel so calm. Its a surprising feeling considering how much I hated high school back then. On the trees I can hear some monkeys laughing. I even see a couple of them staring at my wallet and belongings. He reminds me of the monkey who stole my glasses right of my face when I was 6 years old. I really hated that monkey for doing that back then. But now they look harmless so I don’t bother. Anyway, I climb on a tree and I see some other dudes already chilling on top of it.  It’s a beautiful view. Then  the wind gets stronger leading all the sakura leaves falling apart and causing a  storm of pink leaves everywhere, its so magical I get goosebumps writing all this down. Its such a beautiful view. You can see nothing but  a storm of flowers. I try to take a video of what’s going on and I actually get a really good record of it this time. Usually when I see something beautiful in my dream and try to get a shot of it on my phone, I fail really bad. But not this time. So I feel great. As I enjoy the stormy sakura moment sitting on the tree, I notice a tiny bit of yellow light right by the tip of my fingers where my hands hold the tree. More confused I get, I come closer to this tiny yellow light and hear this tiny light inside the skin of the tree releasing a quiet sound. I notice somehow It’s the melody of “My little dark age” by MGMT. I don't know how to feel about getting more confused or amazed at that point.  I stare at the other kids to confirm I haven't gone mad and see they are as much amazed as I am. Naturally we start mumbling the lyrics of the song and as we do it,our mouths slowly disappear but you can still hear us singing, we don't mind. It’s also strange as I know I have listened to this song not more than two times or maybe three through my 32 years of being on the earth, so I’m not sure how I know the lyrics to it. But yeah, In my dream I know the song pretty well.   For a second I get to think we kind of  look like the branches of that tree  singing with no mouths. Then I remember someone with a knife attacks us to steal the tiny light  and next thing I see myself or the guy running downhills then I wake up. That’s it.

I checked  the lyrics to the song and gave it a good listen today. It is very interesting. The high school-goth version of me would actually get lost in those lyrics:

… Breathing in the dark, lying on its side

… The ruins of the day painted with a scar
And the more I straighten out, the less it wants to try

… The feelings start to rot, one wink at a time

… Oh-oh, forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain
Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away
When you get out of bed, don't end up stranded
Horrified with each stone on the stage, my little dark age

… Picking through the cards, knowing what's nearby

… The carvings on the face say they find it hard

… And the engine's failed again, all limits of disguise

… The humor's not the same, coming from denial

… Oh-oh, I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange
I know that if you hide, it doesn't go away
If you get out of bed and find me standing all alone
Open-eyed, burn the page, my little dark age

… I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange
You know that if it hides, it doesn't go away
If I get out of bed, you'll see me standing all alone
Horrified on the stage, my little dark age

… Giddy with delight, seeing what's to come

… The image of the dead, dead ends in my mind

… Policemen swear to God, love seeping from their guns
I know my friends and I would probably turn and run
If you get out of bed, come find us heading for the bridge
Bring a stone, all the rage, my little dark age

… I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange
I know that if you hide, it doesn't go away
If you get out of bed and find me standing all alone
Open-eyed, burn the page, my little dark age

… All alone, open-eyed, burn the page, my little dark age

Dear future me. I know you end up on this oldskool blog page that you created when you were aroud 16? 17? I dont even remember.  It has atopped being a thing on the internet maybe a decade ago. But I know you are gonna come back here in a couple years. Its is  still a public page but somehow you feel its very private here. The year is 2023 now, you have just turned 33. You just had your first solo show with a gallery you like.  2020 melih would be so proud. You should be proud. The world never stops being a scary place tho.  Its just different layers of bullshit each year. Like lasagna. I have always pretended I like lasagna but in reality lasagna is just not for me. It is just too heavy and I find it hard  to digest it.

Bye.